To the battles we lost
1:08 AM - 06/16/25
It's another round of June–July woes. A pattern, I might add. It's amazing—strangely poetic, even—that I always seem to be celebrating my worst experiences around this time of year. Cheers to that. Let’s add this one to the list.
I tried. God knows I tried to filter my demons. I fought a good fight, It's draining, dragging—and I can feel it taking over. I prayed. A lot. But I’m barely holding on. I'm really anxious about what tomorrow might bring. My slow, inevitable downfall is just around the corner—lurking, waiting for the right moment to strike.
I'm scared.
I tried. I really tried. But it's fucking hard to fight a losing battle when you're destined to fail.
I laughed it off. Somehow, I found a strange kind of comfort knowing that there's nothing left to destroy when I'm gone.
It feels like I have nothing left to fight for.
Like I'm stuck in this windowless room with no escape.
This blog is my only safe space—to tell my side of the story.
My history of mistakes. My flaws. My struggles.
I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel
However,
Amid darkness, gentle guiding hands have my back.
This post is edited to thank each and every one of you.
To Myrene:
Thank you for staying up all night and listening to my story.
I promised I’d fight whatever comes my way—and I know I can always count on you.
Thank you for sharing your own stories with me. Thank you for understanding my struggles.
I'm grateful for how far we've supported each other through it all.
To Kuya Morgy and Ate Rhony:
Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for listening.
Thank you for checking in on me. Nahihiya ako that you even got dragged into this.
Your words of advice have kept me grounded—and reminded me that I matter, even with all my flaws and damage.
To Kuya Jay and Kuya Abe:
Sorry din—matigas talaga ulo ko.
But thank you for protecting me, and for trying to help me through this situation.
I appreciate everything you’ve done. You kept me in check.
You reminded me that while our family may not be perfect, we’ve still got each other’s backs.
To my café staff:
Thank you for sticking by my side.
Your messages, comfort, and constant reassurance mean everything to me.
I’m wishing you all the best in your future endeavors.
I’m beyond lucky to have had you as my team.
To my high school friends and business partners—Mark, Bea, Dana, Larla, Del, and Ana:
Thank you for your trust.
I'm genuinely happy we still get to see each other after all these years.
High school was fun—but what I value even more now is the friendship we’ve kept.
Thank you for the kulitan, the conversations, the collective reminiscing—I’ll hold onto all of that whenever I feel down and lonely.
You’re just one chat away, and I’ll never forget that.
To my father:
Papa, I still have so many plans for us.
I won’t give up.
I’ll take care of you.
I just need to find my strength again.
I’ll be better—promise, po.
To the battles we lost—there are casualties.
However, there are also brave soldiers who walk beside you…
who carry you when your knees buckle…
who light the tunnel when your flame goes out.
So long, and good night.
See you on the next blog.
(Edited on June 18, 2025)
Hey! Solo is waiting
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